Ruling Fears
by annaangel23
Summary: Just a small rewrite on season 3 episode 1 of the Arrow 'The Calm.' What if Oliver's fear had been different than himself? Would that have affected the outcome of the whole episode or season?


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or this show. Those are all the CW and the writers' brilliant ideas!

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><p>"Oliver!" she said grabbing for the familiar arms as her face turned a ghostly white. The last thing she remembered was being in the restaurant when Oliver threw the table back and an explosion happened. Then, her world had gone completely black. Now, it was clear she was in the lair where she looked directly into his face trying to calm her breathing and fast beating heart. "A-are you okay," she mumbled out as the adrenaline had not quite stopped kicking in for her to really feel her own injuries.<p>

He smiled at her reassuringly as he tried comforting her with just his presence. "Yes, yes Felicity, I'm fine," he responded with in a slow comforting voice. "Relax. You've hit your head a bit." He touched the said spot where there was dried blood. Whether all of it was her own, he didn't know.

She winced slightly at his touch, realizing just how hard she had hit her head finally. In fact, her whole body was now feeling the impact of the whole event. She felt exhausted, but she knew he wasn't going to leave the whole ordeal at just that. She knew exactly what his next move was and gave him a silent nod that she knew he would understand.

Just like that, she felt the loss of his presence as he quickly moved to put on his uniform and find the bad guys. She slumped slightly at the loss of support before slowly standing up and making her way to the computer.

"Felicity,' Diggle said ready to protest her movement, "you need to get cleaned up."

"No, this is my job," she replied simply ignoring the pounding in her head as Oliver began to go.

Diggle and Roy met him at the bottom of the stairs for the plan. Somehow, they knew that neither one of them would be going out into the field this time. "Both of you, stay with her and make sure she's okay." Both nodded their heads in agreement but planning on staying alert in case he needed anything further.

As he was about to turn to leave, he heard her say his name. "Please, keep your comm on," she asked as calmly as she could in which he nodded an affirmation in her direction. Once he left, she slumped in her chair just hoping he didn't do anything rash and stupid. She trusted him though, so she had to trust that he would come back like he always did.

Diggle came up behind her placing a soft and comforting hand on her shoulder. "This doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means, Felicity."

She sighed slightly refusing to turn away from her computer screen. "I think it's exactly what I think it means," she replied not wishing to go further into the topic. She watched the monitor intently keeping track of his movement through GPS.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

There he was facing this new villain when he got stabbed with Vertigo again. The world seemed to begin to spin as he heard this new acclaimed 'Count' explain that the new formula revealed his worst fear. Oliver blinked trying to keep a hold of reality as images began to blur together. Suddenly, a very familiar blonde was standing in front of him with a cold expression, shocking slightly as she lunged towards him landing a hit. "Felicity," he questioned trying to back away from her persistent attack.

She went in for a punch, landing one on him and then kicking him to the floor. "You did this to me. You made me this way," she said in a cold, distant, monotone voice. Landing another kick to him.

Then Detective Lance made his presence known with a shot and some sort of threat that Oliver couldn't make out. "No," he mumbled as the blondes attention was briefly averted towards the failing detective. Oliver took the opportunity to push himself up in pursuit of the blonde whom he had to convince himself wasn't his Felicity. As he saw Vertigo Felicity approach Detective Lance, he took his shot ignoring the ache in his heart of watching her go down.

He quickly clicked his comm link ignoring Vertigo getting away in his pained state. He had clearly subdued this villain for now. "Felicity, call an ambulance."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Felicity followed behind Oliver vehemently. "Oliver! I'm sorry. I really thought it was going to go our way," she said hoping to convey how incredibly guilty he felt getting his hopes up like that

"So did I," he replied simply continuing to walk forward. "But maybe the company's better off with Dr. Palmer. I couldn't make time for QC last year, and trying to get the company back now, it's selfish. That's something that the old me would have done. And two years ago, I made the decision to put Oliver Queen aside and be the Arrow. That's not a choice I get to unmake."

She stopped her pursuit upset at what she was hearing. Somehow, she knew that this would happen though. That he would try to revert, but she was not allowing that. "Last night at the restaurant, you didn't feel that way."

He stopped shaking his head. "Look what happened, Felicity."

"Oliver! The explosion wasn't your fault," She replied hoping to get her point across. She knew it wasn't. It was definitely this Vertigo characters fault, but not Oliver's.

He turned to her swallowing back the lump in his throat and putting on the mask he was so familiar with wearing. He just never thought that he would have to wear it around her. "When Werner hit me with the Vertigo dart, he told me that his formula, it shows us our worst fear." He took a deep breath looking away briefly before looking back at her. "I saw you, Felicity."

The shock on her face was evident by that statement. She would never have expected that she would be his worst fear. Did she really scare him that much?

"It was you, but-but it wasn't you either. It was like this cold, unfeeling version of you, One that was bent on killing me," he finished looking away from her. "You blamed me for making you that way, Felicity." He turned to face her emotion filled face that showed so much of everything that he absolutely loved that made her _her_. "I-I just couldn't live with myself if being around me ever made you that way."

She stepped forward cupping his cheek slightly. "Oliver, you could never make me that way," she replied softly suddenly understanding his fear.

He reveled in her touch for only a second letting himself be selfish before stepping back. "That's the thing, Felicity. I can't be sure that being around me won't do that to you. It's done that to everything else I've ever been around."

"Oliver, that's just not true," she tried protesting, but he was clearly not hearing it.

"No, it is. Look at Laurel. She used to be this fun-loving girl with so many dreams, and she's become so hard just because of my stupid mistakes. And Sara and my mother who is now dead because of me. Detective Lance nearly lost his job because of me last year, and now he can barely function without feeling pain in his own body. Don't even get me started on Thea who hasn't talked to me all because of my double life and all the lies I told her. Then there's Tommy who died because of the Arrow. And let's not forget Helena and McKenna." He shook his head again at all his past failures and mistakes. "It's only time before one of those happens to you whether it be dead, mad, or spiteful."

Felicity couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was angry to say the least that he'd been keeping all this to himself, and that he assumed she was just like all the other deceitful people in his life. "Most of those incidents happened because of their own decisions, Oliver. Not because they were around you," she bit pointing a finger into his chest. She took back her finger and softened her expression slightly. "I just wish you would stop blaming yourself for everyone else's poor decisions."

He sighed wishing that he saw the world the way she did. "I'm just not willing to take that chance regardless."

She sighed a bit dejectedly knowing this talk had been coming and only wishing she could have stalled it further. "But I am," she insisted. "And that's the choice I'm making. You can't just push me away and have me pretend that," she paused letting the words 'that I never loved you' which they both knew were coming float in the air unsaid.

"I'm not letting you take that chance. I can't let you. If I ever lost who you are right now because of me, I-" he then paused too knowing that she knew exactly what he was going to say 'wouldn't be able to live with myself'. "I thought I could be Oliver and the Arrow, but I can't be. It's too dangerous for everyone."

"So I get no say in this? Was this just a one-sided relationship with yourself, Oliver?" She held back her tears as they began to gleam in her eyes as he stepped forward cupping her face. "Just say that you never loved me and then we can just pretend like all this never happened."

He let down his walls just for her this one time as tears began to gleam in his eyes as well. "I can't do that Felicity. You know I love you." He quickly leaned down locking her lips in a sweet and soft goodbye kiss that each never wanted. He held on for as many seconds as he could before letting go completely and watching her walk away wiping the tears from her eyes.

He inhaled deeply ready to put his mask back up as he headed towards the hideout at Verdant. He still had business to attend to with Vertigo.

-0-0-0-0-0-

(I tried to make this scene as least confusing as possible! Hopefully I accomplished this tasks! The Arrow will be the reference to the actual Oliver as opposed to the vertigo Oliver.)

The confrontation with Diggle in the hideout hadn't been an easy decision for Oliver, and he definitely noticed the change in Felicity's demeanor when she wouldn't even look at him. Sure they had figured out the next target of Vertigo, but it was clear his team had some unresolved tension that needed to be dealt with at some time. The dynamic had changed, and he knew that it was his doing. Right now he couldn't think about that.

He and Roy rushed into the building filled with crime bosses of Starling City where they quickly confronted the lackeys to Vertigo taking them down one by one before Roy was sent off to take care of the bomb. He quickly went into pursuit of Vertigo.

Up on the roof is where he ended up confronting the said villain as he was suddenly hit with another dart. This time, he was prepared for the image that he knew would come with the familiar blonde he so loved, but she didn't come. No, this time the world spun, and he saw himself. His distant hateful Oliver Queen self who came at him with a swing catching him off guard.

The Arrow went flying back onto the rooftop ground. "You did this to us," his Oliver Queen self said. "You made us into this two person mess by pushing everyone I love away." A swift kick came to his gut as he winced at the words and the pain. "You think you're the hero, but you're not. You ruined everything about me," he continued to speak as the Arrow began fighting himself back trying to ignore the words.

"You're wrong. We are two people," he said in a low growl at himself not wanting to believe the worlds.

"No, we aren't. You just wish we were because your life would be so much easier if one of us was gone." An evil smile played on Oliver's lips as he went in for another hit on the Arrow that he blocked. "Isn't that right, sweetie," he said as he morphed into Moira Queen. "You blame the Arrow for all of us," the image said as it continued to blur to different faces of people he knew. "Then, why, Ollie do you continue to be him," Laurel now said as she attacked the Arrow.

The Arrow put up his defense trying to ignore the taunts of the people he loved continually changing in front of him. All the people he had wronged being the Arrow, and Oliver flashed before him, and it was making it harder to ignore them.

"You should've died on that island with me," Shadow suddenly said with hate in her eyes. "You hurt everyone." Then the image changed to Felicity, the Arrow's face behind the mask nearly broke as he tried to keep fighting. "You even hurt me."

He lunged stabbing an arrow into his shoulder against a wall disabling him when Sara jumped up behind him. "Don't be surprised. I haven't been gone that long," she quipped.

The Arrow mustered up a smirk as the vertigo stilled worked its way through him. He turned back to Vertigo as the blonde still stood there. "You weren't there to protect me. You pushed me away," she said before Vertigo's face came back into view. Oliver took a deep breath masking his emotions.

"Take me, tie me up, lock me away. It doesn't matter. There will always be a vertigo because you have given it the power. You have given it the power," he said menacingly before passing out.

Oliver nodded towards Sara as she made her way off the roof before hitting his comm. "Felicity, call the police. We also have a visitor headed your way."

"Roger that," she replied.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sara's words continued to echo in his head. "Word of advice, we're not our masks, and we need people in our lives who don't wear one." He knew her words were true as he watched Diggle, Felicity, and Lyla huddled around the new baby. He could see the joy on Diggle's face by the new little girl that just came into his life. It truly took Oliver's breath away. Then, there sat Felicity in all her hopeful, innocent-eyed glory just looking so happy at the baby.

He cleared his throat a bit as everyone looked at him. "I can come back."

"No, Oliver, come in," Diggle replied standing by the door.

"Oh, she's perfect. Congratulations," he offered hugging Diggle.

Diggle simply replied with, "Thank you, Oliver."

"For what?" He asked genuinely confused on what Diggle could possibly thanking _him _for.

"For being right." He paused looking at his new child and Lyla. "The second I looked at her everything changed. The whole universe changed. You were right."

He nodded his head glad that he could do something for someone. After the whole ordeal that he just went through, he wasn't too sure of himself. He was happy to revel in this scene for even a second. He looked at Felicity who decided to look at him since the whole ordeal, and he nodded his head towards the hallway. She nodded her head in return and followed him out.

They walked in silence for a bit before stopping. "I was wrong," he said looking straight at her.

"About what exactly?" She wasn't about to give in that easily just to have her heart broken again. She was just hardening it after the first incident.

"About pushing you away." He paused letting his words sink it and trying to find the right words to say. "When I was on the roof tonight, I thought I was going to see you- the other you again. The one that hated me so much. I didn't." He paused once again. She continued to stay silent for once. "I saw me. A very cold and dark me."

She stepped closer to comfort out of instinct before stopping and remembering that that wasn't an option anymore.

"See, that's what I don't want. I want you to be able to comfort me without hesitation." He shook his head trying not to lose track of his reeling thoughts. "I said before I can't be the Arrow and Oliver Queen, but I was wrong. This whole time I was separating the two because I was blaming the Arrow side of me and forgetting that Oliver made mistakes too. But you were right, and I should've listened." He took a deep breath continually saying his words slowly to make sure they were the right ones. "I can't be two me's, but there never were, and you were the only one that saw that truly."

"Oliver," she started before he put up his hand.

"No, let me finish. I'm not saying that some days I won't be doubtful and guilty, but I'm willing to try this." He stepped towards Felicity. "I need you there without hesitation. Yes, I do think you might be a distraction, but I think you not there is even more of a distraction for me." He didn't want to tell her about the last scene he had seen on the vertigo. He didn't even want to think of it himself "I want to try."

She took a deep breath a part of her happy that this was happening, and a part of her so confused. "How do I know you won't change your mind again and decide to call it off because something happens again," she said distancing them slightly. "How do I know you won't just leave me there wondering where you are worried sick?"

He opened his mouth to try to argue, but he couldn't. "You don't," he replied simply not knowing what else to say and worried that she was calling it quits this time for the both of them.

She nodded her head slowly continuing to look at him. "That's what I thought." She paused deciding herself what she was going to do before responding. "Oliver," she said stepping forward. "I'm willing to give this a chance too, but you have to promise me that you won't run or hide whatever you're feeling about this-us. You can't internalize that because it affects me too now. Do you understand?"

He nodded his head smiling slightly. She smiled too as she leaned closer towards him. Their lips were almost touching when she pulled back slightly. "That means no unplanned vacations without telling me, got it?" He smiled nodding again and leaning forward. "Unless the vacation is to surprise me or something, but you can't really afford that now, so I should probably be notifies to buy my own ticket and such," she rambled off before quickly being silenced by Oliver's lips on hers.

This kiss was so much different than the one they had earlier in the day. It wasn't a sweet goodbye kiss, but rather a romantic and passionate beginning kiss. One that made Felicity's knees go week as she smiled into the kiss happy that she finally got through to him. She knew he would still worry about her, but he would at least talk to her about it now hopefully. If not, she would be able to chew him out and hopefully he would listen this time. For the moment though, she could definitely get used to this.

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If you would like me to continue with further episodes, please tell me! I love comments and inputs, and I'm so obsessed with the Olicity right now, and I couldn't stand the way they handled the Olicity situation in the episode as I could see them at least attempting something before putting it all out. Ah well, more for my imagination to work on, I suppose! Anyway, would love your comments and input!

Xoxo

Anna


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